You're like blood

And I'm the vampire. Without you, my eyes will go black.
I would avoid people. Not talk like I use to.
Even my hair flumps like shit. So hey, please come back.

On 8th May, I got to see Yuna. Yes, the infamous Yunalis Zaraai. I get to meet her too. There was this event. Puspanita to be exact. They invited her to perform a couple of songs. So yeah.

I got excited when Paan, or the guitarist in Yuna's band setting up the stuff. I kept hitting my brother. So, she came out and performed. She performed Island, a cover of a P. Ramlee song, Gelora Jiwa, Terukir Di Bintang and Live Your Live medley and Dan Sebenarnya. It was sad cause she only performed a little. Might as well go to her showcase next time.

So, it was time for lucky draw. Yuna was giving out the prizes. The first number was called and this (don't mean to sound offensive) makcik came out. They announce that the prize was a Terukir Di Bintang album. I was like asjdhasjdhalkdjpsoai. I said to my bro "WHAT SHE GONNA DO WITH THE ALBUM?!!" Then they announced a couple of numbers. They announced 166 and then I was like "WHY NO 186?!!" which was my number. Then, they said "Okay, number lepas ni juga angka belakangnya 6, 186." I was like in shocked and looked at my brother like I was about to burst.

Yeah I know, it's just an album. But the thing that got me excited is not getting the album. I'm excited because Yuna, yes THE Yuna, was giving it out. So I got up and walk to the stage. As I got closer, I was grinning like hell. Yuna saw me and smiling and clapping. She was so sweet and told me I was pretty. Awwwwww. And she said Terima Kasih. I was like saying Thank You a gazillion time. Seeing Yuna in front of me was SURREAL. I only watched her on Youtube and shit. But yeah!

After I got it, I was like saying to my brother "My life is officially complete." Lol. Then, she went outside for meet and greet. So, I was lining up and waiting for my turn to take a picture with her. So, as I went through the line, I saw Wawa!! Her manager/cousin. Even seeing her makes me so happy because she's kinda a famous person herself. She always appear on tv with Yuna.

It was my turn, and I was like yaaay. And got the picture taken and salam her. She's so sweet.

Untitled.

"Kalau awak balik Kelantan macam mana?" asked her shakily.
"Kalau Nik balik Kelantan, I'll come here again." said the guy while hugging her tightly as if he would never see her again.

Which is true. We never see each other again after that. Waiting for another holiday for him to come back.
This is what you get of a distance relationship. You only get to see them for a short period of time. And those times you cherished the most. Every second counts but you don't care because you just want to be with them. Saying hello was the happiest. Saying goodbye was the hardest.

...

He came. With Syed. The night before he left Kuantan. He actually came but that time I was at tuition. So I found out he came after I came home by finding out he was waiting outside my house. He stayed til 1. He wanted to stay longer but his mom was blabbering at him.

"Jangan nangis tahu! Kalau nangis, Nik kene langgar lori." That made me laugh. Haha. But sad too. Syed said his face changed when Nik was dropping off him. He said that he's struggling not to cry. Heh.

Days with him is never enough.

Saying hello for the first time in a long time. 3 weeks to be exact.
Smiling when mom said she wanted him to stay.
Eating while staring at each other.
Watching TV for hours but it felt like minutes.
Staring at each other.
Hearing your heartbeat faster and slower.
Writing your name with you finger.
Not wanting to move off the couch to shower.
One of us were up, the other was lazy to get off the couch.
Buying a DVD but ended up watching Forrest Gump on the TV.
Watching Beastly but ended up staring at each other.
Playing with each other's hair.
Kissed. 
Taking pictures.
An unread book.
The given purple t-shirt.
Kissing my cheek.
Running around the house.
Laughing our asses off tickling each other.
Hugging goodbye.
Asking a question.
Tears.
Waves.
Door.
Couch.
Tears.
Tears.
Text.
Tears.
Tears.
Sleep.
Text.
Tears.
Silence.


Days with Nik.

Left

I left a lot of guys in my life. Like one moment I gave signs that I like him and the next day I'll be ignorant and won't reply any of his messages. Oh yeah, a lot.

I really need to explain why I did this, even though this blog has no readers. I did that because I do not feel like letting someone into my heart when I was fifteen because of my experiences when I was fourteen. Well, only one. Nik. He didn't knew it, but what the hell. I love hearing his stories and I love telling mine and I was waiting for him to take a hint.

I hated the idea of me with someone else. I once told Nik about another guy I liked, I saw something in his eyes. It was a moment but I stopped immediately after seeing it. He told me he sees it on my face too when he told stories about his exs or he was hanging out with another girl. I guess what we were talking about was jealousy.

I'm sorry to bore you with stories of this. Me and Nik. It's something I need to put in writing.

To the North.

He's moving. Tomorrow morning. 18 Feb. If he remembers what happens 2 months ago, I will surely be amazed. Well not exactly. But still. It's gonna be hard. Long distance relationship takes patience, loyalty and honesty. The three qualities that I'm lack of. This is why I didn't want any relationship that requires distance. That's why I'll always pick the nearest to me.

Nik Syafiq Ikhwan bin Nik Kamarudin.

It's hard. I made a book for you to read. Just a small short book but in the end it wasn't sent to you. It wasn't meant to be. It was a waste of time making this. For 3 days straight. Homework delayed, sleeping in classes, trying to juggle between tuition and finishing the book. Hm. It's really hard.

Reality hit me.

Since when do I let reality slap me in the face? Just now.

I just found out Nik is going to move to Kelantan. Yeah. I'm not going to use his nickname anymore because I want the readers to know I'm serious about him.

Nik/move/Kelantan. Those words shouldn't be put in a sentence together. Not now. Not ever but alas, my dear readers, it has been noted in my history to hear such words. Making me such heartsick of the world. Making me woebegone. Making me lugubrious.

He told me a week before he actually move. Which is a week from now, cause he told me just now, when we were going out. Yup.

It's sad. I cried a little when we were walking, but I kept quite because there was Nik's friend with us. I don't want him to feel awkward. Nonetheless I still cried, one or two tears drop down my cheeks, I guess.

I'm surfing the internet while listening to my phone set to shuffle. Idk why but my phone is playing all the sad songs. I hate you phone :C You made it harder.